Monday, May 31, 2010

Senator Fights Outsourced Calls

Senator Charles Schumer is proposing a bill to make companies tell consumers when Customer Service calls are being outsourced overseas. Schumer’s proposal also calls for imposing a $0.25 excise fee for any call transferred out of the country.


Call American

A U.S. Senator would keep
Customer service calls at home.
He prefers to keep the work right here,
And no longer have it roam.

Charles Schumer wants to pass a law
To give consumers information
About when a firm out-sources calls
To some other foreign nation.

It’s in response to our complaints
But provides an extra perk.
Besides better service for us all,
It would help put some folks back to work.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Friday, May 28, 2010

BP Oil Spill Worse Than Exxon Valdez

BP continues its efforts to stop the flow of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico. Officials say it may be the weekend before they know if those efforts succeed.


Plugging Along

BP seeks
To plug the leaks
That have been fouling the Gulf
For the past five weeks.

High seas roil
And workmen toil
Seeking a method to end
The swift flow of oil.

For how long
No one can say
But hope they can do it by
Memorial Day.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Willie Nelson Plucks Pigtails

Fans of country singer Willie Nelson will have to get used to shorter hair. A spokeswoman for the singer says he made no fuss about his decision. She believes Nelson may have simply grown tired of his long locks.


Un-Locked

Willie Nelson, it's said, lost his taste
For those tresses grown down to his waist.
So he cut off his hair
Don't know when, don't know where;
It was a minor decision he faced.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Obama To Send Troops To The Border

President Obama has ordered 1,200 National Guard troops be sent to the country's border with Mexico. They're job will be to give support to Border Patrol agents already on duty. Republicans say the number of troops being sent is too few.


Border Restrictions

Barack Obama's sending troops
Down to our border with Mexico.
Their duties will be to combat drugs
And other work that's apropos.

The president's still pushing for
Some sweeping overall reform;
But while he waits he's seeking ways
To calm the immigration storm.

John McCain is glad to see
The president is getting tough;
But notes twelve hundred uniforms
Is simply nowhere near enough.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Minnesota Mother Gives Birth Behind The Wheel

Amanda McBride gave birth to a son as she drove to the delivery room. Her husband, in the seat beside her, took the wheel when her water broke and the baby arrived. McBride says she felt labor pains while at work and drove to pick up the baby's father. Dad didn't drive, reports say, because he has a history of seizures.


Special Delivery

A lady from the Land of Lakes
Had no time to apply the brakes.
On her way to the delivery room,
Her baby opted to leave the womb.
Her water broke and there was no doubt;
'Cause that's when baby son slid out.
She continued on through the busy street
As daddy steered from the passenger seat.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Monday, May 24, 2010

State Official Sentenced to Prison

Former legislative aide Brett Cott has been sentenced to at least 21 months in jail. Cott and two other state democrats were convicted earlier of using taxpayer money for political campaigning.


Political Punishment

Brett Cott is looking at up to five years
To atone for what’s called Bonusgate.
His attorney, meantime, has launched an appeal
In an attempt to alter his fate.

The attorney insists the judge is way out of line,
Treating the defendants like thugs.
Says Bryan Walk, other folks get less time
When convicted of dealing in drugs.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Friday, May 21, 2010

McDonald’s Corporation Refuses To Retire Ronald

McDonald's Corp.'s CEO Jim Skinner calls Ronald McDonald “a force for good.”
He and company shareholders rebuffed a move by Corporate Accountability International to fire the 50 year old icon.


Counter Attack

There’s a movement afoot
To make Ron go away.
He’s being accused
Of leading children astray.

A group out of Boston
Wants to show Ron the door.
It says he advocates food
Full of calories galore.

But the icon’s creators ‘
Insist, au contraire,
Ron’s not pushing food;
Such a claim is unfair.

His job, says McDonald’s,
Is not to beguile;
But to promote a more balanced
And active lifestyle.

Shareholder agree.
They want Ron to stay,
‘Cause whatever he’s doing
Makes their investments all pay.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Are Your Kids Being Poisoned?

Parents are being warned to be very thorough in washing fruits and vegetables. A new study by the Harvard School of Public Health indicates pesticides could mean high risk of Attention Deficit Disorder.


Let Us Spray

Before it’s too late
Dump organ phosphates.
They’re doing more harm than you see.
They’re in pesticides
Sprayed on our kids’ food,
And come out whenever they pee.

A new medical find
Explains A-D-D
That makes those young minds go astray.
It’s poison that’s pumped
On the food that they eat.
It goes down their throats from that spray.

You just might consider
A change in their diets
To keep tainted food from their mugs.
Instead of their favorite
Fruits and sprayed produce,
Let the kids pig out on the bugs.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Tiger To Tee Off In British Open

Tiger Woods will play in the British Open in July. Woods, sidelined with a neck injury, also plans to defend his title in the June 3-6 Memorial Tournament in Dublin, Ohio.


Return To The Tee

Tiger will play with the Brits,
Despite his pain in the neck.
When the British Opens, this summer,
Mr. Woods will be right there on deck.

He’s still U.S. Golf’s Number One
And will play in June and July;
He'll also defend in Ohio,
A tournament that’s now pretty nigh.

The Tiger is giving fair warning:
He’ll be competing and winning some more,
As soon as he cures the condition
That’s keeping his neck stiff and sore.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Texas Governor Facing Criticism

Some Texas officials are critical of Governor Perry’s high rent in the exclusive Barton Creek Estates neighborhood in Austin. Records show Perry’s paying $10,000 a month while the state faces an $11 Billion shortfall.

High Rent District

The gov’nor’s thanking Texans
For his rather pricey pad.
The cost of Perry’s living
Is making some officials mad.

Ten thousand dollars monthly
For a house with seven baths;
It appears that Perry’s chosen
The best of several paths.

Meantime the rest of Texas
Seems in a sorry state,
With a shortfall in the billions
And an undetermined fate.

As Rick continues living
So high upon the hog,
Some folks are facing layoffs
Midst a growing fiscal fog.

Meantime repairs continue
On the burned out gov’nor’s mansion.
But the state’s financial problems
May delay that planned expansion.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Monday, May 17, 2010

Kagan Nomination Faces Challenge

Senate confirmation may prove to be a challenge for Elena Kagan. Some lawmakers are concerned about her lack of judicial experience.


Sitting In Judgment

Elena may have some tough sledding,
Winning over the folks on The Hill,
Who will challenge Obama’s selection
And question the nominee’s skill.

It’s not that lawmakers don’t like her
Or withhold any true admiration.
But the lady has had no occasion
To do any real arbitration.

Some senators question her background;
It’s not that they hold any grudge.
Though Elena has had many duties,
She’s had no practice at being a judge.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Governor Sanford Reunited With Lover

Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina says he spend some time with his lover, over the weekend. The governor, who did not mention Maria Chapur by name, says he hopes to rekindle their relationship.


Affairs Of The Heart

Seems Mark's enjoying his freedom,
And not staying undercover.
Taking some time away from his office,
He spent time, he says, with his lover.

Ex-wife Jenny' rebuilding her future,
While the guv'nor works on his tan.
She's enjoying her life as an author
And dating a business man.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Sean Penn Sentenced

A judge in Los Angeles has sentenced Sean Penn to three years informal probation and 300 hours of community service. Penn, who pleaded no contest in connection with kicking a photographer, must also undergo 36 hours of anger management.


Posing A Problem

When Sean Penn lets his temper flare,
It sometimes take its toll.
A judge has ruled that Mr. Penn
Must learn to gain control.

It seems his latest escapade
Left a shudder-bug quite shaken;
And all because the movie star
Didn't want his picture taken.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Duets Idol-ized

The four remaining American Idol teamed up to present their audiences with a pair or duets. The pair-ups got better ratings from the judges than the contestants' individual efforts. The following is commentary.


Tune-ing Out

When the final four on "Idol"
Teamed up as viewers heeded,
They sang and strummed to show us
That talent isn't needed.

When each one did their single,
A song taken from a movie,
The sounds that each presented
Were rather less than groovy.

With each succeeding season,
The talent pool seems thinner.
The judges may be thankful
They don't have to pick the winner.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Obama Picks Kagan For Court

President Obama says Elena Kagan is his choice for the next justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. The current Solicitor General would make history by giving the High Court three women Justices.


Lady On The Left

Barack has chosen Elena
To help guide a fractured High Court,
As he sends the name of his preference
To the Hill for Senate support.

Though Republicans may prove contentious,
They're outnumbered by the Democrat vote;
Which makes Kagan's chances of failing
Quite a bit less than remote.

The left-leaning Solicitor General
Would make some historical noise.
The Court would then have three women
Mixing it up with the five good old boys.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Monday, May 10, 2010

Tiger Pulls Out Of TPC

Tiger Woods decided to call it quits for the weekend after playing eight holes of the players Championship. Woods withdrew from play because of what’s described as a possible bulging disc in his neck.


Feeling The Pinch

Dressed in his signature red,
Something that Tiger fans dread
Caused Woods to call it a day
And end the week’s tournament play.

His Number One standing at risk
By what is thought to be a slipped disc.
When asked what’s made him a wreck,
Tiger said it’s a pain in the neck.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Obama Expected To Name His Court Choice Soon

Solicitor General Elena Kagan is seen as the front runner among the names on the President’s short list. Kagan went through senate confirmation in November for the post she holds now.




A Call To Justice

President Obama will soon let us know
Who he wants to be one of the nine.
Everyone waiting to hear whom he names,
Including those standing in line.

The Solicitor General’s on some people’s lips;
A lady who’s been through the mill
When she faced senate questions just six months ago
To win the spot she occupies still.

Obama, folks say, is in no mood for a fight.
He wants someone easily passed.
Since Kagan got through the first time around,
She’d be likely okayed – and quite fast.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Friday, May 7, 2010

Greeks Clash Over Austerity Measures

Police in Athens fought stone-throwing protestors following Parliament's announcement of severe financial cutbacks. The move is aimed, says, the Prime Minister, to save Greece from bankruptcy.


Greece-ing The Economy

Tear gas in the air,
Mad folks throwing stones,
As Greece pulls in its belt
Midst grim financial tones.

The anger's in response
To reductions most austere.
To save the Greeks from ruin.
The steps seem quite severe.

From now through Twenty-Twelve,
Before anyone relaxes,
There'll be a slash in wages
And quite a hike in taxes.

Rescue loans are coming
To cushion some frustrations
And keep the country's problems
From harming other nations.

Prime Minister Papandreou
Says the choice is clear and plain:
Without these drastic measures,
Greece goes down the drain.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Newsweek For Sale

The owner of Newsweek is looking for a buyer. The Washington Post blames cutbacks in advertising and the internet for the magazine's problems. The Post reports Newsweek's ad pages were reduced by one quarter in 2009.


Disappearing Ink

Newsweek's on the chopping block;
Its owners want to sell.
With advertisers bailing out,
Things aren't going so well.

Folks used to read the magazine
To keep up with the news;
But more and more, it's cyber-space
That helps to form their views.

Readers no longer want to wait
To get their news by mail,
When they can simply go on line
For news that isn't stale.


© 2010 Jim Gordon

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Tiger Works On His Skills

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. -- Tiger Woods says he's trying to keep his mind in his game. He's in danger of losing his No. 1 spot to Phil Mickelson in the upcoming Players Championship.


Eye On The Ball

Tiger's working to tighten his game,
And keep his mind in a positive frame,
As, despite all his skill,
He's threatened by Phil;
And to stay Number One is his aim.


© 2010 Jim Gordon

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Triple Crown For Super Saver?

Calvin Borel says he’ll bring home the Triple Crown. He expressed his confidence after riding Super Saver to a 2 ½ length win in the Kentucky Derby.


Off And Running

A jockey named Calvin Borel,
Rode the horse, Super Saver, pell-mell.
With the Derby now down,
Cal says “Triple Crown”
We can watch as he gives ‘em all hell.

© 2010 Jim Gordon

Monday, May 3, 2010

Clinton Says “No” To High Court

Hillary Clinton says she plans to serve out her term as Secretary of State.
Clinton adds she has no desire for a seat on the Supreme Court.



Judge…Not

Hillary Clinton spoke of her fate.
She’ll stay where she is: Secretary of State.
She spoke, it appears, in an attempt to cut short
Any talk of a seat on the U. S. Supreme Court.
The former first lady, when given the nudge,
Said she just doesn’t fancy becoming a judge.

© 2010 Jim Gordon