The President Extending Holiday

President Obama now plans to return to Washington on Tuesday. A spokesman says the president wants to spend a little more time with his family before getting back to work.



Resting Up

Obama says he’ll stay
On vacation one more day.
Though he soon must get in gear
For the legislative year,
When all is said and done,
He’s having too much fun.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Vick May Miss Cowboys

Eagles coach Andy Reid will wait to see if Michael Vick will play against Dallas on Sunday. The quarterback suffered a nasty leg bruise in Tuesday's loss to the Vikings. He and other starters may rest prior to hosting the NFC's No. 6 seed on Jan. 8 or 9.


               On The Mend

The Eagles may have all they need;
They certainly can't kick.
No one's more pleased then Andy Reid
And quarterback Mike Vick.

Looks like Mike will have to rest
After Tuesday night's contusion;
Andy thinks that's really best
And will lead to less confusion.

So Kevin may now get a chance,
Though Sunday's game won't matter,
To don his jersey and his pants
And make the Cowboys scatter.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Spider-Man Loses Antagonist

Actress Natalie Mendoza is quitting the Spider-Man production in New York. Mendoza, playing villainess Arachne, is one of four actors who has suffered a concussion during preview performances of the injury-plagued show.



              De-Parting

Spider-Man’s chief adversary
Chose a new itinerary.
The actor is just one of four
Who may still be rather sore.

It seems an earlier concussion
Has led the way to a discussion
Of plans on how she may contrive
To leave the show while still alive.



©  2010  Jim Gordon

Boomers’ Retirement Years At Risk

As more than 10, 000 baby boomers prepare to turn 65 in the coming year, many are facing too little funds to make it comfortable. The disappearance of the traditional pension plan, reliance on stocks, and the falling home values are putting many at financial risk.



         Funding The Future

The baby boomers may be facing
Circumstances, dire.
The year ahead will find them all
Beginning to retire.

As they face their leisure years,
Some are not elated;
Their nest egg’s not what they had hoped
‘Cause they procrastinated.

Though many people plan ahead
To see their labors stop,
Some boomers say they’re ready to
Keep working till they drop.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Blizzard Interferes with after-Christmas Sales

Merchants along the east coast lost out, at least temporarily, on some after Christmas business thanks to a major snowstorm that kept lots of people home. Forecasters were calling for accumulations of 10 to 20 inches between New Jersey and New England.



Snow Way To Do Business

Many an east coast merchant
Is not a happy camper;
They had hoped for lots of shoppers
Till Mother Nature’s winter damper.

Lots of after Christmas sales plans
From New Jersey up to Maine
Were cancelled of delayed some
With a blizzard raising cain.

Shoppers dreamed of savings
On things from shirts to blouses.
But all the snow from down below
Confined them in their houses.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Spider-Man Reopens Despite Actor’s Fall

Producers of “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” reopened on Broadway despite injuries to the lead actor’s stunt double. State safety officials say they’re keeping close watch on the production to be sure it’s safe.



                   Curtains

As cast and crew tried to embark
On Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark,
Spidey’s double took a fall
Moments away from curtain call.

Favorite actors and some unknowns
Flirt, each night, with broken bones.
But, hey, relax, they’re all quite skilled.
It won’t stop till someone’s killed.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Lohan’s Accuser Axed

The woman who accused Lindsay Lohan of battery has lost her job with the Betty Ford Clinic. Dawn Holland has been, in turn, accused to breaking the facilities rule of patient confidentiality.



                Off The Team

Lindsay’s accuser’s no longer aboard
As a clinical staffer at Betty Ford.
Officials attribute the lady’s egress
To a leak of the incident to the press.
A spokesperson says it’s quite essential
That patient affairs are confidential.
Midst “she says, she says” allegations,
Officials continue their conversations
To see if the charge is a false report,
Or if Lindsay ends up going back to court.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Staff Member Accuses Lindsay Of Battery

A report out of Los Angeles indicates Lindsay Lohan is accused of battery against a staff member at a rehab center. Prosecutors are said to be considering whether to file criminal charges against the actress.



    Facing Charges

It’s anything but flattery
To be accused of battery,
That’s the latest accusation,
Where Lindsay’s rehabilitation
Is causing just a slight sensation.
Investigators have inquired
To see exactly what transpired.
The media wants all to hear –
Exactly what, though, isn’t clear.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Word Trackers Pick The Year's Favorite

Officials at Merriam-Webster report more people looked up the meaning of "austerity" than any other word during the last 12 months. They've chosen it, therefore, as 2010's "Word of the Year."




               What's It All Mean

The folks who tell us the meaning of words
Keep an eye on what we look up;
And it seems this year, our favorite showed
An economy that's rather shook up.

It seems that we all go searching for
Words that we've heard or seen,
Because news reports prompt many of us
To find out what all those words mean.

And Webster's folks are keeping tab
On those words that we see and hear
So they can pick our favorite one
As the pet word of the year.

This year's winner would indicate
The economy's severity
And Webster's editors declare
The winner is "austerity."

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Senate Votes Out “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Washington – The Senate has repealed the law that has barred gays and lesbians from serving in the armed forces. The bill repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell” now goes to President Obama, who’s expected to sign it into law.




                     A Gay Time

The Senate decided it’s time to dispel
The rule that says ‘don’t ask and don’t tell;
And it’s seen by some folks as a red banner day
For those in the service who profess to be gay;
On the other hand, though, there’s also that faction
That feels such a change will be a distraction.
The other side says they’ve righted a wrong
And gays will be serving right where they belong.
How all will accept the change is not clear;
And it won’t be in force for close to a year.
But the vote has been cast after years of debate
And the gays will be marching from boot camp to Kuwait.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Weatherwoman Charged With False Rape Report

Heidi Jones is off the WABC-TV weather set and facing a possible term in jail. Jones says an attempted rape she had reported earlier to police never happened.



Not So Ravish - ing

The weather gal is out of work
And may not being going back.
The problem stems from her report
Of a sexual attack.

It all took place in Central Park,
As she described the caper.
She said as she was jogging through,
A man grabbed and tried to rape her.

Now, she says, it wasn’t true,
There was no rape attempt;
Her colleagues who had tried to help
Regard her with contempt.

She’s found herself without a job
And taken off to jail
For her false police report
And her fabricated tale.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Survey: Obama Far From Out

A survey shows President Obama is ahead in the numbers for re-election in 2012. He’s seen as having a comfortable lead Republicans Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin. The survey also shows most Americans like the president, personally, while they disagree with his policies.




          Still In The Game

The president’s approval scores
Are anything but great;
The economy and joblessness
Make voters quite irate.

Despite it all, he has no choice
But to take things in his stride;
And a survey shows he’s way ahead
Of threats from the other side.

His policies leave many cold;
They don’t see eye-to-eye;
But most, it seems are of one mind:
Barak’s a real nice guy.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

"Age" scrubs Gay

The word "gay" has been replaced in an upcoming episode of "Men of a Certain Age." Co-creator Mike Royce says the line has been changed to "lame."



           Happy Ending

A war of words was averted,
When sitcom scribes were alerted,
And a "G" word of fame
Was converted to "lame."
Now the language seems somewhat subverted.



©  2010  Jim Gordon

Ballerina Weighs Criticism

Ballet dancer Jennifer Ringer is taking her critic's comments in stride. Alastair MaCaulay, of the New York Times, wrote the ballerina "looked as if she'd eaten one sugarplum too many." Ms. Ringer notes she does have a more womanly figure than your average ballet dancer.



Keeping On Her Toes

In the current Nutcracker,
The lady's no slacker,
And is not upset with her critic.
He thinks she's too plump,
And though he's no chump,
Maybe he's too analytic.

'Cause Jen's quite a dancer;
For the show, an enhancer;
Though Al sees a need to lose weight.
But she's here to stay
A gift to Ballet,
And her audience calls her first rate.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Witch Quote Tops List

Former Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell has won first place in Yale University’s list of the year’s best quotes. O’Donnell, quoted as denying being a witch, tied for the lead with BP’s Tony Hayward. He was quoted as wishing his life back in the wake of the worst offshore oil spill in history.


Quotable Notables

Fred Shapiro at Yale
Tallied up all of the votes
And released his new list
Of the year’s favorite quotes.

At the top of the heap,
Because of a tie,
There’s a lady newsmaker
As well as a guy.

First, Tony Hayward,
The chief at BP
For wishing his life back
As his oil stained the sea.

And sharing the lead
At the top of the niche
Is Christine O’Donnell,
Who denied that she's a witch.

Of the folks who made news,
Among women and men,
Christine and Tony
Lead Yale Law School's top ten.




©  2010  Jim Gordon

Actor Begins Prison Sentence

Wesley Snipes reported to a federal prison in Lewis Run, Pennsylvania, to begin serving a three-year sentence. Snipes had appealed for a new trial on charges of failing to file income tax returns for about ten years.



Bar-less Bastile

The judge has ordered Wesley Snipes
To cool it, now, and rest his pipes.
He filed appeals to no avail
And now must do his gig in jail.
When you fool around with the IRS
You can find yourself in a bit of a mess.
But three years spent at Lewis Run
Can also be a bit of fun.
As opposed to others in the nation,
McKean could be a real vacation.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

ET – More Evident

Scientists report finding more and more possibility that life can exist on other planets. They add, however, that such life might be microscopically small. It may also, they say, be “closer to slime than to ET.




Who Art In The Heavens

Space researchers now are prone
To feel that earthlings aren’t alone;
They warn, however, that ET
May be smaller than a flea.
As we search for life, and hope,
We may need a microscope.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Feds: Beware of Barbie

The FBI is keeping an eye on the new Video Barbie. The doll wears a necklace that contains a hidden camera. Officials fear it could be used by those who produce child pornography. No word of such activity, so far.



Party Doll

A camera sported by Barbie
Is a reason for some alarm;
The FBI' being watchful,
And fearful it may do harm.

The feds are keeping an eye out
And feel they really should a warn
That the toy may become instrumental
For people involved in porn.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

PETA Peeved At Palin

Sarah Palin has upset some animal rights folks by bagging a Caribou on camera. Palin's hunting adventure was filmed for her TV show carried on The Learning Channel.



                  All In The Game

The people concerned with animal rights
Are rather upset with Palin and crew;
The lady took aim, the beast in her sights,
And bagged for herself her fist caribou.

PETA, meantime, thinks it's all quite absurd
And some even say it's simply a shame.
The hunter, meantime, to help harvest the herd,
Lies there in wait and takes careful aim.

©  2010  Jim Gordon

Election Dispute Results In Two Presidents

Both candidates in Ivory Coast’s presidential election are claiming victory. The two men took their oaths of office as the nation’s political crisis continues.



Dueling To Rule

Citizens of the Ivory Coast
Now have a strange political boast.
The nation’s feuding residents
Lay claim to a pair of presidents.
But to end civil war and silent each gun,
Perhaps two heads are better than one.


©  2010  Jim Gordon

Snowman Frosts Neighbors

A Hayden, Idaho, man agreed to knock down his snowman after Sheriff’s deputies warned he could be charged with creating a public nuisance. Neighbors complained about the snowman, which resembled a Klansman holding a rope tied in a noose.



          S’no Way To Act

A snowman resembling the Klan
Brought grief for an Idaho man;
The law said the noose
Constituted abuse
And wasn’t a very good plan.

Seems each resident of the fair town
Looked on the deed with a frown.
None of his neighbors
Cared much for his labors;
So his snowman came tumble-ing down.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Poll Shows Gays Not Bad For Military

Leaders at the Pentagon say gays serving openly in the military would not harm the armed forces’ ability to fight. Debate continues on Capitol Hill over the “don’t ask, don’t tell” ban.



Gay Crashing

There appears to be reason to say,
And some polls suggest it’s okay,
For a man to wage war
Through the blood and the gore,
Even if he’s found to be fay.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon

Worst Album Debut For American Idol

Lee DeWyze has suffered the worst debut of an album of all American Idol winners. Meantime, fans await the first offering of Idol runner-up Crystal Bowersox.



Fallen Idol?

American Idol DeWyze
Had some time to savor his prize
But no matter how gallant,
If one's lacking talent,
Their shot at the big time just dies.

Lee's album made its debut
But people who bought it were few;
And if folks aren't in tune
When one starts to croon,
The new star may soon fade from view.

 
©  2010  Jim Gordon