Thursday, February 24, 2011

Man Fathers Nearly 100

Ziona Chana, lives in a remote area of India with his 39 wives and 94 children. He also has 33 grandchildren and lives with his family in a 100 room building near Bangladesh. Chana's quoted as saying he's ready to marry yet again.



                 Extended Family

They say Mr. Chana's a marrying man,
With 39 wives, it seems, 'cause he can.
They all seem quite close; they're hardly aloof,
With 94 kids living under one roof.
He has grandkids, of course, in fact 33.
What lies ahead? All are waiting to see.
So far no one knows what the man has in store.
Some are asking will Chana will take 39 more.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Harry Reid wants to end prostitution

Democratic Senate leader Harry Reid told Nevada lawmakers in Carson City that it's time to outlaw prostitution. Governor Sandoval says he'd rather leave it up to individual municipalities.



Bringing Down The House

Harry Reid would like to close
Each bawdy house that hires pros.
He says it's time to give the boot
To every house of ill repute.

State leaders met in Carson City
As Reid got down to nitty gritty;
But they don't plan to change their laws
And greeted him without applause.

Harry wants them all to see
That brothels deter industry;
But the Governor notes they bring in dough
And seems quite pleased with status quo.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Will Clarence Thomas break his silence?

Justice Clarence Thomas is nearing the end of his 20th term on the U. S. Supreme Court. And for the past five years he's had nothing to say. Some folks are waiting to ... hear ... if he'll soon say a few words.



 What's The Good Word?

As the High Court prepares
To begin its next session,
Some hope Justice Thomas
Will show some aggression
And come out of his silence
That's lasted five years,
To join in discussion
With his eight SCOTUS peers.
As they start hearing cases,
There may soon come a day
That the twenty-term justice
Will have something to say.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Cat Drafted To Help Prime Minister

London - A one-time stray tabby has been recruited to help fend off rodents at 10 Downing Street. Prime Minister David Cameron has enlisted the cat to discourage rats which have been seen nearby.


    Prime Mouser

A feline named Larry
Has been sent, for good cause,
To the Prime Minister’s home
To use his sharp claws.

If the 4-year-old Tabby
Proves not to be skittish,
He’ll be quite a hit
Among all the British.

He’s gone to 10 Downing,
Ranked first among cats,
To guard the Prime Household
From an invasion by rats.

 
©  2011 Jim Gordon

Monday, February 14, 2011

First Lady impresses for less

Michelle Obama showed up on the Today show to speak of what's happending with the First Family. She wore a dress that's available, off the rack, for $34.95.




         Cutting Class

The folks on NBC's Today
Were interested in what she’d say.
They like that she seems never stressed;
And liked, this day, how she was dressed.
Her attire, exquisite, quite deluxe,
Cost her less than Forty bucks.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Friday, February 11, 2011

Lindsay Read The Law

Lindsay Lohan's wearing apparel raised some eyebrows, as the actress went to court to plead not guilty to felony charges. The judge warned her to live up to the terms of her bail or find herself behind bars.



       Courting A Felony

Lindsay Lohan went to court
Looking very much the sport.
She then pleaded, by and large,
Not Guilty to the charge.

Her attire caused many a frown.
She looked dressed to do the town.
The judge then laid down the rules
And said don't take us all for fools.

Said the judge, if she should fail,
He'll see that she's sent straight to jail.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mrs. Obama: The President quit

Michelle Obama says the president is finally nicotine-free. According to the First Lady, it's been nearly a year since Obama has taken a drag. She says it's been a challenge for the president who has admitted in the past to enjoying an occasional cigarette.



                  Kicking Butts

It's been a year since Obama's last puff;
And smokers know that's gotta be tough.
Michelle says she's not joking:
Her man is not smoking.
Has the President turned, now, to snuff?

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Romania gets tough on witches

Soothsayers and fortune tellers in Romania are already unhappy with the government's decision to tax them for plying their trade. A new bill now threatens them with fines, and even time in prison, if their forecasts fail to come true.



                 What The Hex

They once burned witches at the stake,
But Romania has another take
To back off from all that aggression
Because of the curse known as recession.

They keep a list of all the witches
And a record's kept of all their pitches.
If those predictions don't come true,
The witches could be in quite a stew.

Neglect to live up to all their lines
Could result in hefty fines.
And if their predictions, then, should fail,
The crones could find themselves in jail.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

President asks business to help.

President Obama has called on business leaders to ask what they can do for their country. He called on business to help economic recovery with increased hiring. Obama also promised to address problems facing the business community, including corporate taxes and outdated regulations.



     A Call To Commerce

The President called on CEOs
To assist with our frustration,
And help joblessness come to a close
And aid their ailing nation.

He says he'll look at corporate tax
That's causing fiscal sobs;
And asked if they'd help folks relax
By finding them some jobs.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Monday, February 7, 2011

Shortage of Macho Americans?

More and more foreigners are being cast, it seems, in the role of what used to be seen as American heroes. One Hollywood producer is quoted as saying U.S. action stars have a " more boyish appeal."



          Only In America?

Seems Superman is now a Brit
'Cause Hollywood's got none to fit
The role of hero with he-man brawn.
One wonders where our men have gone.

Foreign actors are those who hustle
To take the roles that call for muscle.
Though our U.S. actors may have poise,
They all look more like little boys.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Friday, February 4, 2011

House GOP moves to cut spending

The new folks controlling the House vow to end the increased spending that taken place in President Obama's first two years in office. The president vows to fight back, saying more money for schools and local police is in danger.



    Tightening The Belt

Republicans plan on ending
What they see as too much spending.
And The President's fighting back,
Preparing for GOP flack.

He says money for schools and police
Help kids learn and help keep the peace.
But enough, says the GOP,
Of the two-year-old spending spree.

Obama says if he suffers defeat
Will more workers will be on the street

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Thursday, February 3, 2011

FDA rejects diet pill

The government has turned thumbs down on a new diet drug. The action appears to eliminate hope for medication designed to fight obesity in the near future. The FDA says it's concerned about the drug's effect on the heart.



Slim Chance

  The FDA
   Has had its say
  But please don't think it smug;
  The pill won't rate
  For losing weight
  So it won't approve the drug.
 
  Though you want to cease
  Being so obese,
  Keep the horse before the cart;
  You over ate
  Now your overweight,
  But you need to guard your heart.

  Alack, alas,
  The drug won't pass,
  And that, it seems, is that;
  If you feel stress,
  Try eating less,
  Or live with being fat.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Sheen Rehabbing At Home

TV star Charlie Sheen is said to back home to recover. It's not known when he may return to work on his television sitcom. Actress Kacey Jordan is quoted as saying the actor spent two days on non-stop partying.



                Around The Bender

All eyes appear to be on Charlie Sheen,
Who has distress down somewhere near his spleen;
His "house guest" said he went on quite a binge.
It's enough to make most anybody cringe.
He'll mend at home to keep things more discreet,
His network hopes he's soon back on his feet.
Kacey hopes Chuck's soon back, hale and hearty,
'Cause, after all, he sure knows how to party.
It was first described as just an upset tummy.
Though he has a reputation as a rummy,
Does he see himself, right now, as just a jerk
Since he's put so many people out of work?


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Uncle Sam: Sack Sodium

The government wants citizens to cut back on salt. Officials say blacks, senior citizens, and any one with high blood pressure should reduce their sodium intake to about half a teaspoon a day.



        Pass (on) The Salt

Uncle Sam would have us halt
Our penchant to devour salt.
This particular fixation
Inflicts one-half our population.
Eat less, he says, and feel much fresher,
And avoid such things as high blood pressure.
Less salt intake from your daily bread
Could mean longer life before your dead.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon