Parents’ secret causes debate

Kathy Witterick and David Stocker won’t say whether their newborn baby is a boy or a girl. Reaction has been pro and con, with the couple being described as anything from ridiculous to enlightened.




               Raising A Storm

Folks ask: Is Storm a girl or a boy?
Kathy and David aren’t telling
The sex of their new pride and joy
And some find that rather compelling.

Their reticence raised a bit of debate
Over keeping such news on the shelf;
They’re quoted as saying they plan to just wait
So the kid can decide for itself?

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tiffany’s says it never lobbied Gingrich’s wife

Officials at Tiffany’s deny the company lobbied Newt Gingrich’s wife when she was employed by the House Agriculture Committee. They also deny giving any special treatment to Gingrich with an interest-free loan. A spokesman says the company has extended credit to many customers on identical terms.



   Lend An Ear

Tiffany’s insists
It didn’t favor Newt,
And on top of that denial
It also says, to boot,
Never did it offer
A loan with interest free
In return for any favors
From him or Mrs. G.
Gingrich adds the charges,
Are causing quite a drain;
Plus they seem to be a hindrance
To his political campaign.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

Preacher "flabbergasted"

Preacher Harold Camping says he doesn't understand why the world didn't end on Saturday, as predicted.  Spokesman Tom Evans is quote as saying "we obviously went to far..." in predicting impending rapture.

                           Life Goes On

The preacher, it seems, is somewhat chagrined

That millions of folks, even those who have sinned,
Missed out on their day to ascend.
But the reverend insists the day will arrive
When the end will be here and believers survive.
On that, he says, we can depend.


©  2011  Jim Gordon 

Remaining residents evacuate

The last of the resident of near Louisiana’s Atchafalaya River are packed up and ready to go. Residents of Butte LaRose may not be able to return for weeks.


                        It’s High Time

The last of the holdouts all seemed to be packed,
As they make up their minds they must face the fact
The river is still on the rise.
All seem to agree the time's come to pack
And throw what they own in some of kind of a sack
And do what officials advise.
They’re heading for ground that’s just a bit higher;
While missing their homes, they’ll be a lot dryer
As they take the flooding in stride.
While hitting the road, and despite all their yearning,
They’ve let it be known they plan on returning
When those rising waters subside.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Schwarzenegger delays return to the screen

LOS ANGELES Arnold Schwarzenegger has put the resumption of his movie career on hold. The former governor is said to be dealing with the aftermath of an affair with a former housekeeper. Reports say he may also be facing a rather costly divorce.



Hold The Curtain

Arnold has made it quite clear
He’ll hold off on his acting career
While he works on clearing the air
Of a years-old sexual affair.
No telling his future, so far,
Though Maria may say au revoir.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Woman removed from train feels "disrespected."

A woman ejected from an Amtrak train in Oregon has been charged with disorderly conduct.  According to police, Lakeysha Beard refused to stop talking loudly on her cell phone. 

                 De-Trained

Lakeysha felt quite disrespected

And her cell phone was then disconnected.
As part of the flack
One gets from Amtrak
Her loud talk also got her ejected.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trump Won't Run

Donald Trump has withdrawn his name from the political ring.  He says business is his passion and will won't be running for president.  Trump says, however, he still feels he could have won and will continue to voice his opinions.

              Still In Business

The Donald says that he won't run,

Although he feels it might be fun;
Despite the butt of many jokes,
He still feels solid with the folks.
Trump seemed a threat, for what it's worth,
Till Obama showed us proof of birth;
Then Trump's numbers, at the summit,
Overnight began to plummet.
But Donald's star is still aglow
'Cause NBC renewed his show.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Mississippi River Diverted

Officials in Louisiana have sent torrents of water from the Mississippi river away from heavily populated areas. They’ve diverted the water from Baton Rouge and New Orleans. Meantime, an estimated 25,000 people in the other direction are evacuating.



                   High Tide

For the first time in nearly forty years
The Army Corps of Engineers
Found they simply couldn’t wait,
And sent tons of water through the gate.
To save millions of folks along the lip
Of the mighty River, Mississip.
Other folks, thousands strong,
Have been told to move along;
They’ve been advised don’t hang around –
But rather head for higher ground.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

1940s Victim Tours White House

Recy Taylor is touring Washington after the state of Alabama apologized for never charging the men accused of assaulting her in 1944. Following her kidnapping and assault, two grand juries refused to indict anyone.



              A Sorry State

Ms. Taylor got a White House tour
After being assaulted in ’44;
A fate that’s now been recognized
As her home state apologized.
Officials are sorry, they finally say,
For letting the bad guys get away.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Lindsay Lohan sentenced

After pleading “no contest” to a charge of theft, actress Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to four months in jail. However, because of overcrowding, among other things, she’s expected to serve a couple of weeks under house arrest. Lohan also has been sentenced to several hundred hours of community service. Last month, she was cast in a feature movie about the Gotti crime family.



                   Moving On

Lindsay, it seems, has cut a nice deal
In an effort to end her courtroom ordeal;
Her “no contest” plea, which may seem distressing,
Is seen by the courts as Lindsay confessing.

Though the sentence, it’s said, is four months in jail,
May seem a long time for an actress so frail,
It’s more likely that Lindsay, who seems to be blessed,
Will spend just a few days under house arrest.

She’ll do her next movie, after doing her time -
A feature that happens to be all about crime.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Tiger withdraws from Players Championship

Tiger Woods lasted just nine holes in his attempt to play in the Players Championship at Ponte Vedra Beach, Thursday. He limped off the course after withdrawing because of pain in his left knee and Achilles tendon.
His future, he suggests, is the hands of his doctors.


                 Joint Decision

Tiger tried to play golf but didn’t get far;
Just nine holes completed, six over par.
His pain was there for all to see,
Caused by a badly ripped up knee.
Now, nobody knows just where or when
Tiger will play the game again.
His future, it seems, is on hold today,
As he waits to hear what the doctors say.


©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trumps Numbers Tumble

Donald Trump’s political poll numbers have fallen from 26 percent down to just 8 percent. Trump is now in a tie with Ron Paul, a man often described as “unelectable.”



              Political MeltDown

Some bad news, now, for Donald Trump;
His White House bid has hit a bump.
He seemed a threat to take the crown,
But now his numbers have gone way down.
Polls show Donald’s in a dive,
He’s gone from One to number Five.
The upshot of his recent fall
Ties Donald Trump with Ronald Paul.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Casey Tops Tiger

Tiger Woods is now ranked the number 8 among pro golfers worldwide.  England’s Paul Casey has moved up to seventh place. Phil Mickelson, ranked fourth, is the only U-S golfer in the top seven.


     Downward Drive

Tiger continues to tumble
From his long-held spot in first place;
As other golfers keep winning
And surpassing Mr. Woods in the chase.

His fortunes keep on declining
As one wonders what is his fate;
Tiger’s no longer in first place;
It’s official now: he’s number eight.

His golf game continues to suffer,
At the hands of his fellow golf pros;
The champ’s just not up to his game now,
Because of his physical woes.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Topless Runner Results in Jobless Coach

High School track coach Tom Davis lost his job after one of his runners went topless during a training session. The lad removed his shirt while running in 75 degree weather and athletic director Karl Fogel fired Davis on the spot.



                  Sweating It Out

When the track runner gave into the heat
And let folks all ‘round see his chest,
The high school’s athletic director
Felt firing the coach would be best.

So coach Tom Davis is jobless;
He ended up taking the flack
When his runner decided on topless
And gave folks the shirt off his back.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Trump replaced by a legend

A. J. Foyt will be driving the pace car at the Indy 500 on Memorial Day. Donald Trump has announced his schedule and possible political plans make it inappropriate for him to take part.


           Trumped Out

A.J. is in, now, for the Donald
As the person who’ll be setting the pace
For the drivers at the Indy 500
When they gather to drive in that race.

Mr. Trump says there’s simply no time now
To give it his full concentration;
And besides, he just may announce soon
His intentions to run our great nation.

With news folks seem perpetually waiting
To hear what the man has to say,
There are those who ponder and wonder
What it would take to make Trump go away.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Poll Sends Mixed Message

Despite a 52 percent approval rating in the latest poll, President Obama still faces some challenges for re-election. His numbers are still 10 points lower than when he took office.



                Numbers Up

Mr. Obama seems much improved,
Or so says the most recent poll;
Some might be tempted to say
The president’s now on a roll.

But in his fight to be voted back in,
It’s a little too early to crow;
Since the economy’s still in the doldrums,
And there’s still a long way to go.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Endeavour Shorted Out

Officials for NASA say a blown circuit is causing another delay in the blast-off for Endeavour. Officials hope the craft’s voyage, under the command of Mark Kelly, can get underway by next Tuesday.



         Out To Launch

The folks at Cape Canaveral
Have run into a delay.
A short circuit on Endeavour
Means blast-off’s another day.

The crew is standing by,
And wait for all they’re worth,
For Endeavour’s final voyage
Away from planet earth.

As experts make corrections
And declare all safe and sound,
There are earthlings who would rather
Stay firmly on the ground.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Indy Fans: Dump Trump

Some fans of the Indy 500 are calling of officials to un-invite Donald Trump as driver of the pace car for this year’s race. For the most part, they insist, that honor is reserved for people involved with motor sports. Thousands of complaints have been posted on Facebook.



       Gear Shift

Fans of the Indy 500
Apparently don’t want to be Trumped.
They don’t want Trump driving their pace car
And are insisting the Donald be dumped.

They’re displeased with his being chosen,
And feel it’s somewhat a disgrace;
As a self-promoter and gambler,
They don’t want the man in their race.

Thousands of Facebook subscribers
Have for some reason been rather inspired
To tell Indy 500 officials
To tell Donald Trump that he’s fired.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon

Pope Fires Australian Bishop

The Vatican has announced tat Bishop William Morris or Brisbane has been "removed from pastoral care." The action came after the bishop called on the church to consider ordaining women and married men.  Morris had made his suggestion because of the current shortage of Roman Catholic priests.

                Status Quo

Bishop Morris from way down under

May have been guilty of a bit of a blunder,
When he spoke out on a slippery slope.
The bishop's suggestion that ladies be priests,
Has prompted the man's rather quick release;
He's now been fired by his boss, the Pope.
To be sure, despite the current dearth,
There simply is no way on earth
To alter long-standing and ancient details.
It might behoove others to beware:
The ladies simply have no prayer.
The priestly life is reserved for males.

©  2011  Jim Gordon

More Than 20 Million Americans Join The Royal Wedding

Nearly 23 million Americans set their alarms to be on hand for the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Lots of traffic was reported by all the networks as well as sundry sites in cyber space. The Nielsen folks had no figures on how many people watched worldwide.



      Kiss Me Kate

American anglophiles,
Nearly 23 million,
Woke early on Friday
To join the pavilion
Of folks who were watching
The Prince take a wife.
And when it was over,
They went in search of a life.

 
©  2011  Jim Gordon