Friday, March 30, 2012

Hungry Reviews

The latest blockbuster to hit the movie theaters is attracting reviews from some surprising quarters. There are those who describe Hunger Games as an example of dystopia: a work of fiction that describes a place where life is extremely bad because of deprivation, oppression, or terror.




                   Got Game?

In a story that seems so dystopian,
It’s hard to find folks who are cope-ian,
And there’s hardly any real hope-ian;
So most folks go ‘round just mope-ian
Till they come to the end of their rope-ian.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Octogenarian sues Apple after walking into glass door

Eighty-Three year old Evelyn Paswall is suing Apple after she walked into a glass door at a Long Island Apple store.  She's demanding $1million in punitive damages plus $75,000 in medical expenses.


    What A Pane

In trying to grapple
With what happened at Apple,
That is, walk through a door made of glass.

Both small and colossus
Can break their proboscis
And end up thrown on their ass.

After sitting there stewing
She's decides, then, on suing
Like any ambitious civilian.

She took quite a spill,
Has a medical bill,
And is demanding they pay her a million.


©  2012   Jim Gordon

Monday, March 26, 2012

Justices hold hearings on healthcare

As demonstrators, pro and con, gather outside the Supreme Court, the justices are hearing arguments concerning President Obama's healthcare plan.  Among provisions being argued is one forcing everyone to have health care of pay a penalty at income tax time.


       Courting The Constitution

The SCOTUS folks are now meeting
Under bipartisan glare;
The president may take a beating
As they all debate his healthcare.

Some feel it's a little too regal
To force everyone to insure;
Some folks insist it's illegal
And don't think it ought to endure.

The Justices have lots of questions
Before they do much relaxing;
They'll listen to lots of suggestions
Before ruling if it's all just too taxing.


©   2012  Jim Gordon

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Lightening Up

Here’s more news to help pass the time
But this trip it doesn’t quite rhyme


Penn State University is offering counseling to people allegedly abused by Jerry Sandusky. School officials say it can begin as soon as they figure out who those people are.

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Rod Blagojevich’s former barber says the ex-Illinois governor’s hair is dyed and will turn gray during his prison term. Prison officials ban the use of dyes so inmates can’t disguise themselves and escape. In this case, though, if Blagojevich waits long enough, he can walk out disguised as his father.

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Military leaders say after 11 years of war, they still don’t know how many deployments are too many for individual soldiers. When the Pentagon was asked how it missed the chance to follow such large numbers of combat troops, one official said, “Hell, a guy can killed over there.”

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One official offered some tell-tale signs, though. For example:

You may have had too many deployments if you ask your wife to pass the salt…at the point of a gun.

Maybe you’ve had enough for a while if you pick your kids up from school in an armored tank.

You might deserve a break from combat if you go small game hunting with a howitzer.

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The GOP race for President has rekindled interest in the Etch A Sketch. One official describes it as a symbol of how to shake things up. But Ron Paul might see it as another way to draw a crowd.

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©  2012  Jim Gordon

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Rivera criticized for ‘hoodie’ comment

Criticism continues of Geraldo Rivera’s comments about the role a “hoodie” played in the shooting death of a teenager in Florida. The commentator’s son is quoted as saying he’s ashamed of his father’s remarks.



                ¡Cállate! Senor

When Geraldo reads about mayhem,
He’s inclined to sit up and drool
And follow with asinine comments
That show him to be quite a fool.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Friday, March 23, 2012

Tiger out front

Tiger Woods has jumped into the lead on the PGA tour. Four straight birdies helped take Woods to a 7-under-par 65 and a one-stroke lead at the Arnold Palmer Invitational in Orlando.



          Ironing It Out

Though the tournament’s far
From all said and done
Tiger taken the lead
If only by one.

He seems no longer hurt,
In fact he looks fine,
As he seeks his first win
Since Two Thousand Nine.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Gasoline prices affect summer plans

Americans are changing vacation plans as the price of a gallon of gasoline keeps on rising. One driver, filling up for a trip, noted that they’ll pay $100 just to drive to their vacation destination and back.
“It’s more than our hotel bill,” she said after filling her Ford Ranger.


          Accelerating

Said the driver, “I’m angry,
I simply could spit.”
It’s the price of his gas
That’s causing his fit.

No vacations, this year;
He’s just out of luck,
As he feeds yet more fuel
To his gas guzzling truck.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Obama and challengers at odds over energy

The President and his Republican rivals have their own take on the price of gasoline.  Both sides are looking for the upper hand as energy takes center stage in the political wars.


       Petrol-fied

Drivers are anxious
And calling en masse
For some kind of relief
With the purchase of gas.

It seems with each visit
They pay to the pump,
The cost of a gallon
Has made a big jump.

Both sides seem at odds
On what makes it persist;
Though all quite agree
U. S. drivers are pissed.


©  2012   Jim Gordon

Friday, March 16, 2012

Broncos at Peyton’s Place

Denver’s two Johns, Elway and Fox, dashed to Duke to watch Peyton Manning work out. Earlier, it was confirmed that Manning has decided against signing with the Dolphins.



           Knee Deep

The plot seems to thicken
And all tension mounts
As Elway and Fox both
Run, spring and bounce
To watch Mr. Manning
Sweat and work out;
See how proficient
He displays all his clout.

Meantime some others
Would just want to know
What all this might mean
For Mister. Tibow.
For now, though, the tension
Has folks sweating and fanning
As they wonder if Denver
Will sign Mr. Manning.

 
©    2012  Jim Gordon

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Pat Robertson says legalize marijuana

Evangelist Pat Robertson says the government’s war on drugs is a failure. So he says marijuana should be legalized and controlled like alcohol. Robertson adds he’s in no way encouraging people to use drugs in any way, shape or form.



      No Need To Ban The Weed

Pat Robertson says we simply have got
To all get together and legalize pot.
Smoking the weed will make folks less frisky
Than people who spend their weekends with whisky.
Though Pat won’t light up, his one simple point:
Don’t send folks to jail for having a joint.

 
©  2012  Jim Gordon