Actor admits to “hot affair”

Arnold Schwarzenegger has confirmed he had a "hot affair" with actress Brigitte Nielsen at a time he was dating, and living with, Maria Shriver. Neilsen says she had no idea, at the time, that the actor was involved with Ms. Shriver.



      Arnie Recalls

To hear Arnold tell it,
It seems at a glance
He simply can’t keep
His act in his pants.

Such a rogue is our Arnie,
He’s, indeed, an old flirt,
He seems always ready
To “get into” a skirt.

He admits he indulged
In a steamy affair
While his lady, Maria,
Was quite unaware.

Arnie’s made lots of money
Amid action and thrills.
And did it although
He has few acting skills.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

NFL officials agree on a new contract

Locked-out NFL referees are expected back on the football field this weekend. The league and its officials agreed to a new eight-year contract, after two long days of talks that included commissioner Roger Goodell.





                           Unlocked

The fans and the players are quick to react
As the NFL refs agree to a pact.
They’ll all be on hand for the rest of the games,
Saving coaches and fans from going down in flames.
It’s the moment for which so many have prayed –
Officials who know just how football is played.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Football fans protest replacement refs

Fans of the Green Bay Packers gathered outside Lambeau Field to protest their teams’s Monday night loss to the Seattle Supersonics. They blame it on the replacement refs and are calling for an end to the NFL referee lockout.






       Pass In Review

There’s something amiss
The NFL must address;
It’s quite simply this:
The year’s games are a mess.

The guys in the stripes
Are without the right props;
And among other gripes,
Lack pro football chops.

So, Mr. Goodell,
May we ask in chagrin,
That you please break the spell -
Let the real refs back in.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Romney: Obama’s trying to fool voters

Republican candidate Romney accuses President Obama of leveling inaccurate attacks. He says the president is misleading voters into thinking the republican believes things he doesn’t believe.



                   Clearing The Air

Says Romney, Obama’s misleading us all
On what Mitt’s campaign is about.
He says he’ll explain a bit later this fall,
As soon as he figures things out.


©  2012   Jim Gordon

Kelsey Grammer tuning out the Emmys

Television star Kelsey Grammer says he won’t be watching the Emmys, this year. Described as “irked”, Grammer says he’s at a loss for why he was omitted from the awards ceremony.



                    Sensing A Snub

Kelsey won’t tune in the Emmys this year
Because he feels somewhat dismissed.
Not being picked for a statue, we fear,
It seems that “Boss” Grammer is pissed.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

U.S. officials discouraging trips to Pakistan

The State Department says Americans should postpone un-necessary travel to Pakistan as protests continue over an anti-Islam film.  Officials report more than 1,000 protestors tried to storm the U.S. Embassy.

 

        Reel Problems

Uncle Sam is suggesting

It might not be the best thing
To travel to Pakistan.

Things are not quiet;

There's many a riot
Since all that unrest began.

It seems there's this movie

That's not seen as groovy,
And seems to be causing a threat.

As things are unraveling,

Postpone your planned trav'ling -
'Cause those Muslims are really upset


©  2012  Jim Gordon

No name change – for now

Trustees at Penn State are holding off on renaming the Gary Schultz Child Care Center at the university. Any such decision, it seems, will await the outcome of Schultz’s trial on perjury charges.



             Appellation Fixation

That building named for Gary Schultz
Will stay unchanged, awhile;
Trustees will keep the moniker,
At least, until the trial.

Though tension seems to still be high,
Folks strive to keep their cool.
There just might be some folks who want
A new name for the school.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Macy’s employee sets a record

Rose Richardone has decided to retire. From her first day on the job, Rose witnessed lots of retail history being made. Despite how much she loves it at Macy’s flagship store, Rose says a broken hip is prompting her to step down…at the age of 92 after a record-breaking 73 years on the job.



The Missing Rose

Rose saw many
A change of pace
Since she went work
At Macy’s place.

Though hours were long,
She enjoyed herself
As she got to know
Almost every shelf.

A broken hip,
The final blow,
Made it quite clear
That she must go

So, at ninety-two,
Rose just retired
Seventy-three years
After she was hired.

©  2012  Jim Gordon

Prince Harry returns to war

Prince Harry has returned to Afghanistan to begin another tour of duty as a gunner for an attack helicopter. Clad for combat, Captain Harry Wales joined Britain’s 9,500 troops, based mainly in Helmand province.




       Engaging the Enemy

According to his ongoing plan,
Harry’s back in Afghanistan
To do his part in the current war,
As he begins another four-month tour.

After his publicized Las Vegas party,
Harry seems quite hale and hearty.
And following a different quest,
The prince is back and fully dressed.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

Health care report shows waste

A report from the Institute of Medicine says the U.S. health care system wastes billions of dollars a year. The report targets unneeded care, outdated paperwork and fraud.


       Faced with Waste

As the GOP and Democrats
Discuss our state of health,
The Institute of Medicine
Says it’s not a case of wealth.

It says that billions could be saved
And leave lots of people awed
If un-needed care and paper work
Were dumped along with fraud.

A year-long study seems to show
A solution in the air;
Could it mean some needed cuts
Would, in turn, mean better care?

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

News Doesn't Need To Rhyme Every Single Time

In covering current events, sometimes one is prompted to go for some laughs instead of rhyming lines.


In Washington, DC, a Superior Court judge says the city’s allowed to keep installing it’s new smart meter system in its taxi cabs. But an administrative law judge will soon rule on whether it’s better to just teach the drivers how to make change.


Authorities in Pensacola, Florida found human brains, hearts, and lungs stored in Tupperware containers. They were inside a storage unit once owned by an employee of the medical examiner’s office. The authorities are trying to find out how successful her home parties were.


83-year old Ron Akana just set a world record as the oldest flight attendant to retire from United Airlines. He was with the airline for 63 years. He says he’d planned to retire at 65 but had to wait until his plane got clearance to leave the tarmac.


Illinois Governor Quinn has rejected a bill to expand gambling that would have made way for a land-based casino in Chicago. He had no comment on whether the facility would have included a Chick-fil-A restaurant, complete with a wedding chapel.


Special Education teacher Theresa Kersting, in Winona, Minnesota, has resigned after pleading guilty to slapping a student and sentenced to one year probation. She’d been accused of slapping a 19-year old male student after he grabbed her glasses and threw them on the floor. It’s believed Kersting didn’t mean to slap his face but without her glasses she couldn’t see well enough to kick him in the balls.


Nevada health officials warn it’s likely that mosquitoes infected with the West Nile Virus are present throughout Las Vegas. They’re warning people with symptoms including fever, headache, tiredness, and body aches, to check with their doctors…or at the very least change their seats at the black jack table.


©  2012  Jim Gordon

Harry reveals the bare facts

Photographs of an unclad Prince Harry have been confirmed as genuine. The official residence of the Prince of Wales says that, indeed, the photos of the naked prince are the real thing.



    The Family Jewels

They may be the funniest
You ever saw –
There goes our Prince Harry and
He’s in the raw.

He’s only three heart beats
From the British throne,
Unless, for some reason,
He turns to stone.

He went to Las Vegas to
Have a good time;
Now we’ve all seen nude pics of
The Royal Slime.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon

War and Medicare not mentioned

As Mitt Romney accepted his party’s nomination for president, he failed to address the problems of Afghanistan and Medicare. Also left out of his speech were his plans for Social Security and illegal aliens.



 Left Unsaid

Social Security,
And Medicare;
Neither one mentioned
But both in the air;

Then, of course, there’s Iraq
And Afghanistan,
And illegal invaders
Against which is a ban.

To ignore all those problems,
To some folks is absurd;
Though candidate Romney
Didn’t utter a word.

He spoke of the budget,
And even abortion,
That he says he will conquer
In some sort of proportion.

He says he’s our savior
And vows not to renege;
All in all, what he promised
Was politically vague.

  ©  2012  Jim Gordon